He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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