I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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