so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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