I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
