Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
