I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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