none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
