He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
