My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
