i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm sobbing to NWA
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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