I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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