Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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