I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
