im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
