some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize