Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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