i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
