"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
