you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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