Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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