You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
