It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We have so much sex to catch up on
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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