yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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