I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
