I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
