We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
