Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize