Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
