her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
