My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
