Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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