You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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