chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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