just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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