well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
