How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
