god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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