He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it because I queefed?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
