Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
