Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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