No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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