I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
