We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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