She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
