Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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