If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
