she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
