Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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