It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
