peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Welp...herpes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
