omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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