did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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