i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
