You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
