You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
