what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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