Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
