If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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