Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
