I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize
