That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize