Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
honey bunches of taint.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
