If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just made my gag reflex go away.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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