dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
