I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How naked do you want me to be?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
