she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
