3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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