And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we made out on top of his cat.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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