I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
