The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
