Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
