He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
