I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
