a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
