i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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