just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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