How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize