Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
