I smell stomach acid.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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