tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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