go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
