dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He better not be in your backpack
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
