I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
