They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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