can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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