ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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