if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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