I cannot find my penis.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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