Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
