I love black thongs
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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