you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize