When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
