We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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