another moral hangover. fuck.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
