Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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