Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
