Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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