Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
