I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
