at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
