you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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