I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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