i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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