the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
