I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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