If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
