So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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