Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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