I look better un-naked...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
