I need help removing her.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
FUCK WHALES
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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