FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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