I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize