Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
