take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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