Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
