I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
