I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The struggles of a small town man whore
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
