So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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